


Cold

by Tealshirt



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, bucky isn't really in the story, but he's mentioned, steve get's a little dark at the end, takes place during catfa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tealshirt/pseuds/Tealshirt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He waited for the chill to pass but it only got worse. It reminded him of the night, sleeping in a tent, or a cot, or in a bedroll, but still being able to feel the cold seeping up through the ground and grabbing your body in it's icy grip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this, I have other things I should have been working on. Steve talks about being numb, and knowing what's gonna happen. Felt like I should say that so I don't trigger anyone or anything.Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own. Feedback is always welcome.

Steve closed his eyes. He welcomed the numb feeling of the ice water around him, knew what it meant, that this plane, at the bottom of a frozen ocean would be the last place he would ever see. He wouldn't get to have kids, or get married, or own a house. It was something he regretted immensely as the water filled the cabin and made him gasp in a desperate attempt to get away. He was cold, so  _cold_. **  
**

He waited for the chill to pass but it only got worse. It reminded him of the night, sleeping in a tent, or a cot, or in a bedroll, but still being able to feel the cold seeping up through the ground and grabbing your body in it's icy grip. It was always better when you had someone with you. Sometimes you forgot there were others. Everything around you felt far away. You were hungry, and dirty, and lonely, and cold and forgot where you are,  _who_ you are.

The plane is sinking faster now, and the water is below Steve's neck. The cold has entered his lungs, and he coughs and splutters, the burn stinging his throat. All at once he's transported back to the apartment he and Bucky shared in Brooklyn, and he's laying in his bed, gasping for air beneath three ratty blankets. He's trying to be quiet,  _he's trying so hard,_ because just across the room is Bucky, sound asleep, and Steve doesn't wanna wake him, he needs all the rest he can get for work. He can't help it though, he's sick, and having an asthma attack and the chill is making him shiver and he can't seem to still. He hears a creak from the bed opposite and he tries to breath quietly. He's still wheezing and that must give him away, because Bucky's at his side in an instant, yanking off the covers and holding his face between warm hands.

Bucky scoots Steve over as much as possible, and crawls in behind him with his chest to Steve's back. He's trying to get Steve to match his breathing. The asthma attack edges off, but he's still wheezing. Bucky hops from the bed and Steve starts to curl up so maybe he can stop his teeth from chattering. Suddenly he's covered with another blanket, and then Bucky is back, a warm presence against his back. 

Later when Steve's warm and dozing off, Bucky whispers a faint "Punk." causing Steve to smile sleepily as he drifts off.

That was then.

And this is now, and there is no Bucky to keep him warm, or regulate his breathing. No, it's just him in this sinking airplane, and he's about to meet his maker.

He hopes Bucky and his mom will be there. He misses them both. He's forgotten his mother's smile. 

 

Steve takes a deep breath as the water rises above his head. They've fixed his lungs and he doesn't have asthma attacks anymore, but he doubts he'll be able to hold his breath until help arrives.

He's fading quickly now, slipping in and out of consciousness. He holds his breath for as long as he can but his body is fighting him, and the automatic response to take a breath makes water fill his mouth and nose. If dying feels like your being frozen slowly, he's pretty sure that's what is happening.

He can't feel anything now, and his eyes want to close,  _they want to close so badly._ He gives in, and then it's just him and his thoughts. 

Brooklyn flashes through his mind. Brooklyn when he was young, and when his Father died, and Brooklyn in the spring, and in the summer. He's remembering the spring he met Bucky. He's eight and he's bloody and bruised and two of his front teeth are knocked out and sitting on the ground in front of him. A shadow is cast over him and he thinks it's another bully, back to beat him some more, but instead he looks up into glowing blue orbs and a concerned face. 

Then he's twelve and he and Bucky are fighting Tom Williams from down the street, and it's them versus three fourteen year old kids.They end up losing, but they break Tom's nose and give another kid a heck of a shiner. 

It's the year his Ma died. Bucky and Steve in their best dress clothes standing over the grave. He was able to pay for a funeral but it cost him that month's rent. Bucky walks him to his home, and tell's him he's there if Steve ever needs him. Steve denies his help and goes inside. Their scarce few possessions have been loaded into boxes to prepare for the inevitable. He takes a seat at the dining table and places his head in his hands and he  _cries._

Bucky and him moving in together, and then Bucky is in his military uniform telling Steve he's got his orders.

It flashes through faster now, boot-camp, receiving the serum, performing as Captain America, rescuing Bucky, the Howling Commandos. All of it takes just seconds.

And then Steve is is watching Bucky fall from that train in the Alps in slow motion. Watching the terror and panic in his friend's eyes as he plummeted  _down,down,down._

 

 

He's seen Bucky's face a million times in his head, his eyes closed and lost in thought. When he opens his eyes each time his heart breaks all over again at the realization he'll never see that face again, that maybe next time he won't be able to remember his face. Maybe it will be just a fuzzy blur of brown hair, blue eyes and tan skin. That he won't remember his smile or the way he laughs, or his dimple when he smirked. 

It killed him, slowly, just a little each day. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He would be with Bucky now, happy. Maybe he wouldn't forget now.

**Author's Note:**

> http://tealshirt.tumblr.com My tumblr.


End file.
